


Shower Thoughts

by justdk



Series: Andreil Week 2018 [3]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 09:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15216089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justdk/pseuds/justdk
Summary: A glimpse into the private thoughts of Andrew Minyard





	Shower Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Andreil Week 2018, Day 3: Rain

_There are a million ways I want you._ Andrew does not tell Neil.

 _When I taste the rain on my lips I think of my lips on your skin._ He doesn’t say this.

 _I think about how the water beads on your lashes. Sometimes it’s all I can think about. In class, running laps, while I’m stretched out on my bed trying to fall asleep_. He’ll never admit it.

 _You shiver when I touch you. Every damn time. And every time it makes my heart clench. I thought there was something wrong with me. It had never happened before. Everything about you undoes me_. He can feel the thoughts lingering behind his lips but that’s where they’ll stay.

 _Your skin… your body. You’ve been marked in every way. You’re remarkable. You survived all of that and then entrusted yourself to me. All those years of self-sufficiency and you thought I was your answer. I wasn’t good enough_. It’s a fact he should confess but can’t.

 _Why did you kiss me, Neil? Why did you sit beside me and wish for me to lose control? I haven’t felt in control since. Every day a little bit of it slips away. You think I’m unchanging, iron-willed, incorruptible. You think a lot of things that are bullshit, Neil._ Sometimes he tells Neil part of this, just the last part.

 _You told me it was always yes. With me, and only me. You don’t even realize how much that fucked me up. Still does. Since then I’ve asked you so many times and always, always it’s yes. I’ll keep asking. Because I have to know. And because I’m addicted to hearing that word fall from your lips, addicted to cataloging the way you sound and look when you give yourself to me._ Andrew can’t even think this in the same room as Neil.

_Some nights, if they’re really bad, I wake up and I don’t know where I am. Or I think I’m still in the dream, in the memories. I can’t—_

_But then I see you._

The door creaks open and Andrew hears familiar footfalls approaching.

“Andrew?” Neil asks. “What are you doing out in the rain?”

Neil crouches down beside him, umbrella held over Andrew’s head even though he’s already thoroughly drenched.

“I came out for a smoke.” Andrew waves the sodden pack of cigarettes. “Then it started raining.”

Neil processes this, his face drawn into a thoughtful frown. Andrew’s too tired to tell him to stop staring and too wrung out to make himself stop staring at Neil. All of his thoughts feel perilously close to his skin, like Neil can read them on his face.

“What?” Neil asks.

“I didn’t say anything,” Andrew replies. He should really get up and go inside, take a hot shower, get away from Neil and his pretty eyes that see too much.

“Well, then what are you thinking?”

Andrew studies Neil for a moment. He has a mental treasury of the best of Neil Josten that keeps him company throughout the day. He also has a vault of the worst, most of it awful imaginings of the things that _have_ happened to Neil. Neil Josten. He gave himself to this exasperating pipedream, let him take over his life, and he would do it all over again.

Andrew holds out his hand and Neil pulls him up. They crowd beneath the umbrella, the rain plinking down steadily. Neil holds Andrew’s hand and the heat of his skin sends a shiver through Andrew. He’s too tired to pretend. Moving slowly Andrew leans forward and tucks his face against Neil’s neck, breathing him in.

“Nothing,” he murmurs, his lips ghosting over Neil’s skin. “I was thinking of nothing.”


End file.
